And your so called friends were where?

Okay sorry for the long break in blogging…I have been extremely busy and haven’t felt like blogging much but thank you for the emails to see if I was okay!

 

This entry isn’t meant to place blame on other people but more of something that crossed my mind a few days ago and has me wondering what role “friends” play in relationships….this might come as a surprise to many of you but there are few bonds I feel are more sacred than the bonds of female friends but overall I take my friendships very seriously which is why I will always SUPPORT the relationships and marriages of my friends (unless they are toxic) so this has me wondering if most friends will do this for each other…

I received a call from my friend’s husband recently while she was out of town and he wanted me to come over (this isn’t going where you think it’s going…) so I did and we sat and drank wine and talked about life for HOURS…he told me their relationship hadn’t been going so good before she left and he was just annoyed that he felt she wasn’t supporting him in life…my first question to him was did he speak to her about this and when he said he tried my next suggestion was to send her an email or a letter so his thoughts could come out without being interrupted…I was going to call a cab to leave (drunk driving isn’t something I do) and he asked me to stay so I slept on the sofa and we both woke up with massive hang overs…when we went for the easiest cure of Denny’s the next morning he admitted to me that night he had every intent of calling an ex of his and asking her to come over and spend the night with him…he said he called me instead because he knew I wouldn’t steer him in the wrong direction at all and I would keep an eye on him for the night (which is why he asked me to stay)…he ended up sending her an email explaining how he felt which she ended up showing me…that luckily opened up a good dialogue between them about both their frustrations in the relationship and they have started to work things out………he mentioned to me that some of his male friends were quick to tell him to f**k another girl or at least hit up his ex (who falls all over him like some desperate woman)…….

I had a female friend show up at my condo in tears a few months after she got married…she had found text messages from her husband which showed him flirting with another woman…she was determined that night to find a man to bring home and rub it in his face that she could also get the attention of the opposite sex….so we called a car and went out for the night and when a man tried to take her home I told her if she wanted to sleep in someone else’s bed she was sleeping in my bed (not sexually)…the next morning after lots of tears I told her to actually go talk to her husband…his behavior might have been uncalled for but her sleeping with another man wasn’t going to solve anything and she had no real proof that he had slept with this woman (and since I have been the other woman so many times my cheater-radar is spot on and it wasn’t going off)…the spoke about this and ended up going to therapy…they are still in therapy once a month to keep things open in terms of communication but they are now expecting their 2nd child and a much happier couple…..

There are quite a few stories I have like this and my point isn’t that I am trying to “prove” anything to those of you who read my blog and hate me but more so I have to wonder…..when you have people stand with you on your wedding day and come celebrate with you I feel that they take on a responsibility to support your marriage regardless of what that takes….I am the type of person who will always pick up the phone and call my friends and say “how are things?”, “should we go out for coffee?”, “let’s do dinner”, etc…especially my married friends…mainly because in my experiences I know that when people do not have an outlet that is safe they will find one that is a bit risky or they will not realize things are bad or they are upset until things have gotten out of control….

I also wonder how good of a “friend” someone is when they know you and your significant other are supposedly in a good relationship and they help you sabotage it…I have been with married men who friend’s will lie for them or provide an alibi when they want to come meet me…BB is the only real friend who I have let cross that line (and I am not a friend of his wife) and it still feels so wrong and almost like I messed up our friendship….when your significant other cheated or when you cheated where were all these people who were supposedly there to support your relationship and help guide it?  Yes, ultimately we are all responsible for our own decisions but I do not think anyone is expected to be such a strong person that they never need someone to lean on……

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About C.X.Love

I'm the woman that most females hate...I am the other woman in your relationship or in some cases just the woman your husband had an affair with...this MY side of the story, not that you care but maybe some of you can protect your relationships from me...or maybe some of you will just be entertained because my life is amazing...
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7 Responses to And your so called friends were where?

  1. rob g says:

    I have read your blog a few times and must say that your insights are “spot on.” As a 45 year old MWM, I can attest that keeping a L/T relationship going takes a lot of energy and work. I have been married for 17+ years, been with my wife 20+. We have had endured extremely tough times as well as experienced incredible ones too. I will admit that it is all too easy to give up, get divorced and move on when the “going gets tough.” I have seen many couples split once the kids come and things get hard.

    As a man, I believe in loyalty, hard work, doing the right thing (always) and never wavering from what I believe in. I use it in my professional and personal life; especially my marriage. My wife and I may argue, even fight. However, we love each other and getting divorced over stupid things driven by one’s need for control or to be right is down right unaccecptable in my book. Marriage is about being selfless and compromise; that does not mean you lose yourself. You have to find balance and always communicate.

    The sad fact is that too many people use divorce as their default vs. the nuclear last resort. They love the idea of marriage, the big party and all of the hooplah that surrounds it. When the music ends and you are left to create a life together, that is when the work comes into play. I understand how many of the married men you connect with can be unhappy. I see people like that everyday too. When my wife and I went through rough patches, I saw how easy it was to divorce and avoid being 100% authentic; open and raw, warts and all.

    Keep being a friend and pushing your peers to get out of their comfort zones and work towards solving their problems and not to run away from them. 99% of the time, there is no real issue involved at all. It is the stuff people make up in their heads, the hurt feelings and desire to be right that creates such anger and pain. If people could see through that, there would be far fewer divorces.

  2. Socialkenny says:

    It’s been a damn while since you posted anything. You haven’t posted for the year actually.

  3. Jessie White says:

    Hey where are u, did something happen?

  4. Mrs. Wife says:

    I stumbled across your blog. I see that you stopped blogging. I am sure it had something to do with your life style as a person who romanticizes sleeping with other women’s husbands. As hip, cultured and emotionally detached as you may present yourself, the other woman role just does not satisfy for the average human being. Who voluntarily takes the second position….ALL THE TIME? Good luck and I hope you got better….

  5. Jenna says:

    Wonder where your life led you to.

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