All things aside if your husband wants to cheat…he will! However, outside of fixing your actual marriage issues…can you pick up on women like me and do something about it? BB’s wife practically ordered him to stay away from me, she said our friendship was too friendly and she didn’t think it was appropriate…he tried to listen to her for a few months but eventually he came running back to my friendship. DL’s wife called me at his office when I did an internship there and threatened me to stay away from her husband but the only problem was that opened me up to knowing her husband was interested in me…we hadn’t done anything YET. GH’s wife told him she thought I was a nice person but entirely too flirty and attractive to be around married men and she told him to unfriend me on Facebook, too bad she didn’t tell him to stop texting me and stay out of my bed.
My point is most women pick up on women like me and attempt to get me out of their marriage before I do much damage but what is the best way to go about this?
-I do not recommend directly approaching the woman the way DL’s wife did…yes, I assume her husband was getting home and talking about me entirely too much and possibly mentioning that we occasionally went out to a happy hour or lunch/dinner BUT a spiteful woman like me will see this as a green light..I had no idea DL had any interest in me before this point…..I think a better way for her to have handled this would have been to have a conversation with her husband about appropriate boundaries with a female who is single (sometimes men do not realize they are crossing lines)…I think women like this are also smart if they attempt to be nice to the lady in question (keep your friend’s close and enemies closer).
-When you expect your husband to set boundaries such as GH’s wife make sure he either sets them appropriately by backing off slowly or makes the idea come from himself…when a man tells me “my wife says I have to”, “my wife told me to tell you”, etc…it pretty much makes it clear that the man is only doing something to appease his wife and isn’t serious about anything he is saying…also, if your husband doesn’t agree with your decision he most likely will not stick to it
-Realize why your husband feels the need to be so close to another woman, BB and I most likely would have never had sex if large amounts of alcohol were involved but his wife saw almost immediately that our friendship was turning into an emotional affair…BB’s wife asked him to stop talking to me and he tried to but as he said, that forced him to get rid of his best friend and he had no one to talk to about anything. That person should have been his wife but he feels their relationship is lacking in the communication department…he also gets frustrated at how quickly she throws him under the bus after a serious conversation and uses his “weak” moments (anytime he is emotional) against him. BB actually respected his marriage and loves his wife but since that one aspect is missing she asked him to get rid of something that everyone needs…a best friend……if she had bothered to actually connect with her husband, I would have never had the chance to turn our friendship into an affair.
These are just three examples of many where women saw an issue arise but handled it badly, I think setting boundaries in a marriage before things even come to this is also extremely important. People have different definitions of cheating and things as simple as flirting can cross lines for some women whereas other women literally do not care as long as their husband’s penis stays out of another woman. Making sure that you are always a known presence in your husband’s life can deter certain women but making sure your husband does not let a woman like me get too close for comfort is up to him. Letting your husband know that you expect him to maintain boundaries and respect your relationship is something every woman has a right to do and if he’s unwilling to do it, how much does he really value the relationship?