A guide for a wife to get rid of her husband’s mistress

I always laugh when women call me with their little threats about “leave my husband alone”…and then I get a text/call from their husband later on apologizing for their wife and asking when we can get together again…I don’t know what these women are thinking but they need to realize the man they married is an adult and will make his own decisions…

First off, if you want the other woman out of your relationship your husband needs to tell her…he is the one who invited me in and should be the one who tells me to leave…if he doesn’t tell me to leave and stick to his guns about it, that should give you a hint about how serious he is about ending the affair…if your husband isn’t serious about getting rid of me…there is absolutely NO WAY for you to get rid of me…

If your husband is willing to get rid of me then after that it is up to you…I know plenty of men who have come running back to me because their wives would pick fights since they were unable to get an affair out of their head…I think most women hold onto the hurt and pain because they are unsure how to get over it but at the same time they also seem to think it is ammo for every fight/argument in the future…I have always thought it was unfair to tell a man you want to work on a relationship and continue to throw an affair in his face everyday…you’re also not doing much to repair your broken relationship…

There’s no easy way to get over what your husband did but if you agree to trust him again you need to work on building that trust but hounding your husband everyday, doing random drive bys of where he is supposed to be, obsessively searching the phone bill, giving yourself anxiety when he says he’s going on a business trip, etc…that’s not real trust and you need to slowly build that back up and work on getting your relationship stronger and stalking your husband while claiming fake trust is not the best way to do that…you can start out using the trust but verify method and most importantly keep the lines of communication open but eventually you’re going to have to trust your husband when he steps away to take a phone call or comes home late and realize that even though he made bad decisions in the past he is not making them now (if you believe he is…why are you with him?)

As the other woman I’m often asked how I would feel if my man cheated on me…and there is no easy answer to this…I think it would come down to the reason he cheated…unlike most women cheating is NOT a deal breaker to me in a relationship (I say this all the time but I suppose I should explain it)…I am okay working through cheating if it was a drunk one night stand that accidentally happened or if there are underlying issues in the relationship that we can work on and fix (both of us need to be willing to work on them) but some of the circumstances around cheating are deal breakers for me…if my man broke plans with me to be another woman, was uncaring about my feelings and blatantly lied to me (not just hiding the truth but actually lying) to carry on the affair I do not think I would get over those things…mainly because it shows such a blatant disregard for a woman’s feelings and a lack of respect for her that there is no point dealing with someone like that (he’s most likely the type that will continue to cheat anyway)…

I think a lot of people seem to forget that we get into relationships to relate to each other and that involves good times and bad times…you open yourselves up because you feel the risks outweigh the possibility of getting hurt and yes, finding out your husband has been with a woman like me hurts a LOT but if your husband is trying to work on his mistake and get me out your relationship…maybe you should try to also..we’re all human we all make mistakes…sadly some have worse consequences than others but should you base your ENTIRE relationship on one mistake?  and if you’re so quick to call a relationship quits every time it gets hard….how real was your relationship to begin with? 

About C.X.Love

I'm the woman that most females hate...I am the other woman in your relationship or in some cases just the woman your husband had an affair with...this MY side of the story, not that you care but maybe some of you can protect your relationships from me...or maybe some of you will just be entertained because my life is amazing...
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60 Responses to A guide for a wife to get rid of her husband’s mistress

  1. Socialkenny says:

    Pre-mature marrying is what this comes down to for me.

    And that’s why I don’t advocate marrying young.

    Women need to understand that as long as a man feels that he’s still attractive,still capable,still desired by decent amounts of women:there’s a high probability of him screwing around.

    And that’s why I always say that the only guys in the world who would never contemplate affairs are the ones with LSE(low self esteem),lack of confidence,etc.They don’t believe that other women are attracted to them.

    • C.X.Love says:

      I don’t advocate marrying young either…BUT I honestly believe EVERY man has it in him to cheat…

      • Socialkenny says:

        Let’s not forget women now.Women cheat way more than men.Way more.Would you agree or do I have to come with my figures?

      • C.X.Love says:

        I don’t sleep with women hahaha but if I were to base my knowledge off my female friends…you are correct but I do not think most women go into relationships with the mindset to cheat…a lot of men do

    • Sorry Kenny, but I must say that I disagree with the “marrying young” bit. If you research a bit, you would see that many married men who cheat are in their 40s. Still, I get what you’re saying.

      • C.X.Love says:

        I sleep with mostly older men who are in their 40’s like you said… BUT most of them got married in their early 20’s…I remember one guy telling me he didn’t have a burning desire to cheat he just wanted to feel what it was like to be with another woman because he had been with his wife since high school and he was 43….common thread…I’ve never felt that men should get married before the age of 30(ish)…

    • Aubrey says:

      Not true. Many insecure men cheat because they don’t feel good about themselves. They crave the attention another woman gives them. It makes them feel wanted. They normally don’t end up with particularly good looking women. But they can usually find someone who is willing to take pity on them and make them feel good about themselves. In my opinion, these women are pathetic because they don’t get to enjoy the great parts of a relationship. All they get is to suck a dick a few times, take pity on a whining man, and get kicked to the curb when the woman finds out. But who knows. Maybe that’s what they’re into…

      • C.X.Love says:

        Aubrey seems a bit bitter…

      • Jess says:

        I agree 100%! They just want to see if they still “got it” and I think they go for less attractive/lse women bc it’s a done deal, hell they are happy to have any male attention…even if it’s only for a night or even a few hours during the day when hes away from his DW. Smh

      • Rosealee says:

        I agree, Aubrey. These men affair down because it’s about their ego. Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Eva Longoria and Elin Nordegren were all cheated on. And their men picked less attractive trash to cheat on them with..It’s about attention and ego. And who is going to give a man the biggest ego stroke? The less attractive, needy, pathetic woman with fewer options. That’s why Halle Berry would never be a mistress. The girl has too many options. Less options, less attractive = desperate side whore. and when they brag about it, it’s even sadder.

      • Solbe says:

        Lol, your comment is interesting; All they do is get to suck on their dicks a few times and therefore they are pathetic? Lol, pathetic…. Pathetic is the idiot living at home seriously believing and behaving as though they are the girl with the golden twat. Marriage gets boring! Only a few people dare say. Sure, companionship is good, but many friends also make great companions. If you think that the only thing that a mistress gets from a man is to suck a little dick, you are well on your way to having a few hanging from the tip of your man’s extension. Obviously, you don’t understand men or human nature. Still drinking the pre-school fairytale cool aide, huh?

  2. Socialkenny says:

    Decent point about mindsets.

    • C.X.Love says:

      Thank you, what’s funny is this is an entry that gets a lot of hits from people searching “how to get rid of my husband’s mistress” or something similar…um I assume that’s a wife looking it up and it makes me wonder why the hell they aren’t making their husband get rid of his mistress

      • jmr says:

        when you realize your husband is a pathological liar….there is no point in speaking to him.
        yes, certainly the husband is to blame.
        but i suspect the mistress on the other hand has likely been fed a string of lies, and also has a very naive and jaded version of the truth. in some cases, she may not even know the man is married.
        there is also some reward for the wife, because it’s letting everyone know they are not half as smart as they think they are.
        i suppose if both parties are sex addicts, then it really is a match in heaven. come clean and hook up.
        if you have to sneak around for any reason then chances are…you shouldn’t be doing it (whatever that maybe).

  3. That was always silly to me. I wouldn’t call up the other woman-she doesn’t owe me anything; I’m not married to her. Now if she is a friend of mine, that’s a different story. But at the end of the day, I’ll just get rid of my husband. Problem solved

    • C.X.Love says:

      I don’t think it’s silly to want to know details of an affair if a woman plans on staying married to a man and wanting to work through an affair…different things work for different couples…

      I personally do not feel like I owe these women anything but at the same time I did sleep with their man so if they’re gonna be respectful I’ll give them a conversation…

      • you’re a bitch plain and simple. Some day I hope a woman who’s feelings you didn’t value, whom you felt so superior too and free to judge, kicks your ass. Maybe if she knocked all your teeth out you’d think twice about messing around with someone’s husband.
        Just sayin.

  4. love? or something else says:

    So i think my fiancee is cheating. Hes an attractive chiropractor with a ridiculous senye of entitlement. We have definetly had issues some with me not working due to a tumor removal i recently had. He seems to fancy a woman at work. Hes made comments about her or the other doctor he works with ive seen him text compliments about her ass. He says we were apart at that time. Now that im healed and back to my fit 120 lbs self i feel i should return him the favors of stress and anxiety, but ive arrainged a few dates behind his back and have not been able to go through with it. Id like for us to just work through it not sure if its the best idea… Any suggestions???

    • C.X.Love says:

      Cheating at each other doesn’t really work…if you’re not secure in your relationship and you’re not willing to go to therapy or something to work it out then what is the point in staying in the relationship?

      My suggestion would be decide if this relationship is worth it to you and if it is you guys should probably seek couples therapy…it sounds like you need to learn to trust him again and maybe set some boundaries on your relationship

  5. Lost in a relationship maze says:

    In my case ‘the other woman’ actually befriended me, she is also married and she and her husband became our friends, this was after she fell in love with my husband. So for 2 years I thought we had met a really nice couple. Our extended friends and family also got involved, they got to know our friends and we theirs. We even went on holidays together. Until I found out what was really going on. My husband and I are working things out and addressing the issues that have led to the affair. I don’t actually blame her for the affair, I understand that was to do with problems in my marriage, but I blame her for being so duplicitous and involving others in her elaborate lie. Now I simply cannot get rid of her without everyone asking what happened. And she keeps messaging and asking how we are doing, if we are still together, etc. I promised not to tell her husband as they have 2 children and I don’t want to break up their family but I really need her to go away so I can focus on fixing my marriage. Any ideas or comments would be greatly appreciated.

    • Say it says:

      Say it like it is. Tell her you need space and time to heel your marriage. If she can’t respect that, why should you give her respect in saving her marriage?… threaten to tell. No bs

  6. anaon says:

    I don’t laugh at all when I hear of women like you!
    A life shares love commitment a family and all of the things that go with having a soul mate.
    sadly alot of men have * women* like you at their disposal so extra marital sex is easy but sex is all it is so a shallow existence is all you have /: grow the fuck up and find a healthy relationship and stop playing with a man who’s not and never yours!!!

    • Solbe says:

      They don’t necessarily belong to their wives either. Therein lies the conundrum. PEOPLE are NOT property. The moment we start to see our husbands that way is the moment we open up the playing field for cheating. He isn’t YOUR man just because you married him. You have agreed to go through life together. You have agreed to honor and cherish, but are you cherishing him, when he is bored and fantasizing about threesomes, wild sex, if he is watching porn, or feels like looking at magazines and jerking off, NO! You are probably fighting with him, depriving him of his sexuality,, seriously believing that you alone can satisfy him. What are we 17 years old? WAKE THE FUCK UP! If you cannot accompany him in his sexuality, libido, and wild side, HE WILL CHEAT, because you are BORING FUCK! And it does not matter that he loves you, he has needs. Little by little, those needs will be met by another women, and he will leave you, if you don’t wake up. Oh, and yes! Men do leave their wives for their mistresses. It isn’t so uncommon in cultures other than mainstream American, and guess who is winning your men over? You got it foreign women. Yup! It does not matter what you call the other woman, home wrecker, slut, whore… Name calling does not change the fact that you lost, because you are boring! And it isn’t about competition. The other woman knows that there is nothing different between her legs, it’s the other comforts that lured him away.

  7. Robin Bednarczyk says:

    Bottom line is this – there are WHORES out there (you ought to know writer, you seem to be one) and then there are LADIES with morals, which WRITER you seem to have none. When a man flirts with me, I ALWAYS look and see if there’s a ring on his finger, and if there is, I engage NO MORE with him – WHY? Because I have morals and I wouldn’t want that done to me. In your stupid little pea brain whore of a mind, you’re probably thinking, “well I may as well fuck him, if I don’t he’ll just go on to the next whore” But you know what? THAT is the problem with our society – TOO MANY WHORES – you all need to have your whore asses kicked BY THE WIVES! You are by far the worst MOST PATHETIC excuse of a human being I’ve ever read STORIES from! Let me guess, you think you’re hot too, huh? Let me tell you something honey – PUSSY AIN’T GOT A FACE! And you’re being USED AND THROWN AWAY like tomorrows trash!

    • Solbe says:

      Ouch,, you called them a bad name. So! Seems to me that you are placing the responsibility on the other woman…. Is that how you cop out of everything else that goes wrong in your life? People who cheat, cheat! People who don’t cheat, don’t cheat. While you are calling other women these names, why not self-examine how someone like you can end up with someone who prefers the company of other women? Most women know that their man can roam. They see the signs prior to getting married and they still marry the man. So, some are whores and others are just dumb-dumbs. Trust me, the mistress is under no illusion. She knows what she is working with. As a wife, do you?

    • moralalley says:

      yay,finally someone with morals and a conscience. Its about friggen time !!!! If he has a ring on his hand…hands off..and if his ring has slipped off, you are the fool.

  8. hinojosa says:

    Some men are just cheaters. They always cheat. They have everything they need at home and more and theyre insatiable,believe me I know. I had a woman tell me I couldnt make my husband happy which is why he continues to cheat with this woman. However, she has no idea of our intimacy or all the things I have done for him. I have never been jealous or checked his phone or worried myself like you say,but he on the other hand treats me like a cheater and I am not. I have told him to leave but he begs and begs and then I see her call coming in after she says he calls her. She does not cease and obviously neither does he. I found pictures he took and I saw the detail indicating the date and time confirming they were taken from his phone. Still…he denies it as does she. I do not know what she gains from denying it. Additionally, I can tell looks are not important as she is bigger than me and ugly. She and he drink together and party which must be why he likes her, since they are both junkies. I am praying for this to end as I still love him but I want him out of my life. I have come to,thee realization that he is a liar and will never stop cheating. I realize she is obviously satisfied with my leftovers, but I however do not wish to share. I find it repulsively disgusting. I do believe that eventually we will be accountable for the hurt we impose on others. I ask for those of you that are believers to pray for me that they may be out of my life…as he continues to beg and turn things around saying I cheat and thats why I want to end it. He forces his presence on me and she doesnt care because she has no class. Thank you. I needed to vent.

  9. hinojosa says:

    Some men are just cheaters. They always cheat. They have everything they need at home and more and theyre insatiable,believe me I know. I had a woman tell me I couldnt make my husband happy which is why he continues to cheat with this woman. However, she has no idea of our intimacy or all the things I have done for him. I have never been jealous or checked his phone or worried myself like you say,but he on the other hand treats me like a cheater and I am not. I have told him to leave but he begs and begs and then I see her call coming in after she says he calls her. She does not cease and obviously neither does he. I found pictures he took and I saw the detail indicating the date and time confirming they were taken from his phone. Still…he denies it as does she. I do not know what she gains from denying it. Additionally, I can tell looks are not important as she is bigger than me and ugly. She and he drink together and party which must be why he likes her, since they are both junkies. I am praying for this

  10. clare says:

    to the other woman….u are a bitch… u are his fantasy.. reality is so different..u need to get your own man

    • Solbe says:

      There is no such thing as an “own” man. You don’t own yours anymore than I own mine. People do what they please. My suggestion is KNOW the person that you are in relationship with. Don’t ignore the flags and quit worrying about what the other woman is doing, or trying to take away. She is irrelevant. After she is done with his penis, it is still very much attached to his body and it comes back home to you. The relevant matter at hand is where your significant person is at in his “own” life Are you talking?. Who cares if the mistress is pleasuring him. What difference will calling her names make? She may be a whore to you, but she is a damn worthy thing to him to breach your vows, isn’t she?

  11. i was the other woman says:

    clare – come on? the “other woman” are often times victims in the affairs because they are being led on by these cheating husbands. they have false promises made to them and they believe the cheating husband. who are you to call someone else a bitch? the man should be the one called the names. after all, he is the one that chose to have an affair and a relationship with another woman. he chose to lie. he chose to live another life with another woman while married. it could happen to anyone. honestly.

    • Rosealee says:

      That’s called denial. It doesn’t just happen. No one forces you into a relationship. And if you knew he was married and lying to his wife then it’s your own stupidity and narcissim that makes you think he’s telling you the truth. Affairs are built on dishonesty so don’t blame the man when it all comes crashing down. You participated. You’re hardly a victim. And if you didn’t know, fine but once you knew he was married and you continued to see him then you’re just a fool for believing his so called promises. He made promises to his wife and didn’t keep them. So why would some side piece be so special? I have no sympathy for women who become mistresses. Learn how to say no. I have. Everytime a married man has hit on me, I’m repulsed not attracted because I’m attracted to integrity and honesty in men not sloppy seconds and deceit.

      • Solbe says:

        I am not sure why a mistress would actually care to have your sympathies? Every case is as different as every marriage. Why should anyone say “no” if they don’t want to. While you are attacking other women for choosing to accept the affections of who you are calling YOUR “OWN” MAN, I don’t see anyone really talking about what the hell he wants and why he may be cheating. We are talking about men here! Lol, you girls go argue about it and call each-other names, my married friend is knocking on my door right now, and we have a wonderful evening planned, after which, he will go home to you, and I will remain in my own perfect world, which by the way isn’t lonely, miserable or boring. Today,, I was curious about the topic, because a girlfriend of mine who also has a married love, told me that she was not a home wrecker, and it made me chuckle. I was curious about the female mind in this topic. The truth of the matter is, women are pathetic, possessive little girls, who actually drank the cool aide. Men cheat! If you don’t want to be cheated on, stay the hell out of relationships. There is nothing seriously special about you in comparison to other women. We are all unique, but anatomically practically the same. It does not matter what you make of the other woman, what you think, what you call her…. She is still the other woman, and there is nothing you can do about that. You know what the kicker is, she isn’t miserable. You are!

  12. kolson says:

    the one i loved wanted me to be his mistress…..

    i never knew what he meant by a “long lasting healthy relationaship!” when i met him, he was single, though younger to me but told me that he loved me and i believed. i believed everything that he said, did everything that he wanted me to, except for real sex and he then got married…and i was heart broken…after he got married, and i couldnt get over him, he told me out loud that he wanted sex- only! i still love him coz i really did , only now that iam distant, indifferent to him but my heart cries everytime i think of him and about how humuliating feelings he had for me in his heart…………

  13. Densie says:

    There are two things that stand out to me here, and although I appreciate your honesty and your advise is dead on about the woman having to let go of the hurt and allow the husband to move on, it is a question in my mind if you have already conditioned yourself to accept there being someone else, being as that you have been in relationships where there was a sharing involved. Also you didn’t state whether you have been married before or not, but it would be hard to answer how someone would react to something like cheating before they experience it. Most times these men do not come right out and say to their wives hey I’m having an affair. What you may be seeing is a woman seeking the truth or proof, when they sense a change in the man they married.

  14. Dolly says:

    I would like to know if the other woman ever plans out a strategy to get the husband from the wife? Like would she try to get him to fall in love with her and passionately kiss him and more or less lead him on, and do everything but not have sex with him to get him turned on to her? Then when she thinks he wants her bad enough, she tells him she doesn’t date married men in hopes that he will actually leave his wife and get his chance to have sex with her. Kind of like the old saying, men want what they can’t have? Why would the other woman claim to just be friends with your husband, but yet every time she ends a phone conversation with him, she ends it with “Love you”, would this also be part of her strategy? Just curious.

    • Solbe says:

      Let me help you out Dolly, because so far, you are the most genuine and intelligent person of this here bunch. It does not always start out as an affair right away. Most women unless there is some evil vindictive streak in them are conscientious about the feelings and life of the wife. I have only dated 1 married man and it is a very new affair. I can tell you how it is evolving, because I am going through it right now. I walked into a bar for the very first time alone, because there was a band playing that I wanted to see. I stayed for a set and had a couple of drinks. When I was about to leave, I noticed the guitar player. I had been watching him for 45 minutes, but I only NOTICED him as I was about to leave. When the set was over, he happened to stand next to me to speak to his friend,(coincidence). I said, hello, and complimented him on his playing. He said thank you. I went home. The next day, I LIKED the band on facebook and I payed a compliment to the guitar player, but clearly stated that I also noticed his lovely wife at the show. He was so starved for a compliment. One month later after very benign chatting about music and networking musicians, he told me how he felt. I told him that I didn’t want to get involved with a married man. He said that he would be patient. 2 months later, we are seeing each other before or after work. His schedule is impossible, mine is heavy as well,, but emotions are evolving. Do I let him go, because he is “HERS” I can’t, not until I am ready, because I love holding him. I love listening to him; I love taking care of him; I love being with him; I love every thing about him. I know that he is married, but unlike his wife, I am not under any crazy notion that he is property to take away, win or manipulate. When I am with him, I am with him, when I am not, I live my own life. I would never ask him to leave his wife. As far as I am concerned they are family. But, I am his friend and after all is said and done, once the instigation of our libidos have left us in our elder years, what we are left with is friendship. Friendship is not something that you can demand. It isn’t something you own. It is free flowing, and this is the one thing that we do share. Do I think about her? yes. Do I aspire to hurt her? absolutely not. i protect the secrecy of our affair. She is hell bent on claiming him property. He is hell bent on proving his freedom. In this scenario, he has his entire cake and given how hard he works and the way that he cares for his family, he deserves the entire cake and the frosting.I don’t have demands. or expectations. I have my own life and I am quite happy. There is no drama here. Want a good strategy to getting him back from someone like me… Let him go and see where his heart takes him. He will go where he belongs. You cannot own another human being.

  15. Claudia says:

    I don’t know what to say over your advise, but, i feel sorry for you. I really hope you find a way to fill your life with some true happiness and stop being a second choice in every mans life. At some point you will have to slow down and take a look at your life and realize that that name “Mistress” that you have lived with will be the only one you will ever be good for. No man is worth fighting!

  16. Kate says:

    It’s not that easy. I used to work in home health care. I have seen women in their 40’s and 50’s with MS and other horrible and unusual diseases. I’ve also taken care of women ravaged by dementia in their sixties. All of their husbands have stuck by them but ALL of these husbands have “girlfriends” for their sexual needs. The few wives that have been in this exact same positions that have had the bravery to have a “boyfriend” to meet their sexual needs get treated like hell by their friends and family for needing a little cock now and again.
    I also have had friends were the couple has decided to either be swingers, have open marriages or polyamory. The majority of the time it was the husband or boyfriends idea. The wife or girlfriend went along with it because she wanted to prove how open-minded she was and also figured out it was better to try and “control” these situations and say yes because if she said no than he would probably cheat anyways. Than she gets more partners more of the time than he does and he flips out and suddenly the relationship is on the rocks. Another thing I see a lot of is they become so called friends with the partners of their men and especially if the couple has children together she expects the lover to do all these household chores and babysitting for her and the hubby. Even when it’s not a live in arrangement. The other woman feels like she should help out even though the wifey than deliberately decides to constantly cut into her time with the man. Granted most secondary women in polyamory expect this and refuse to be in this role and avoid men with primaries with children-but open marriage and swinger women get blindsided. If everyone was open and honest than nobody would get used or hurt. In these situations I just shake my head because the man gets it all. He gets a wife and kids and a mistress. The wife that doesn’t know I do feel sorry for and do believe that most women will stay away from married men for ethical reasons. The wife that does know and goes along with it just to prove how open minded she is and to control the situation is not being honest with herself. It’s a rare woman that has children that can not feel threatened by another woman. If they agree and then also use the woman to do chores for them or baby-sit for them or control their time the secondary will eventually cause drama that can do the very harm she seeks to avoid. Unless she is bisexual otherwise she doesn’t truly give much of a fuck about the wife or kids. She is there for sex not to help the wife out. Unless the wife doesn’t like sex and is relieved somebody has got that part covered in an otherwise happy relationship. That’s rare.

  17. Kate says:

    I am in a creative community so this is why I see so much of these examples. Lots of creative like minded people are trying to explore different lifestyles. Most creative men do not want sexual monogamy and unlike most other men they don’t seem to have any issues in being honest about it. I have been cheated on and it really is heartbreaking and sucks. Once by a man that I was having sex with every single day and kinky sex to boot. The issue wasn’t lack of sex or lack of fun. The issue was simply he wanted variety pussy plain and simple. As a woman that is a very bitter pill for me to swallow. If I am in love and in a committed relationship with a good sex life I don’t want to share. Sadly, most men seem to want multiple women and they feel like they have two choices cheat and hide it or ask for a more honest lifestyle for themselves -meaning the very strong desire for multiple partners and mostly just for their sex needs. I ditched him for not talking to me about it and not practicing safe sex and exposing me to potential harm. Another long term relationship brought me to a fancy date and I thought we were going to take it to the next level but it was to ask my permission to have sex with other women. not because we had a bad or boring sex life but because he hated monogamy and wanted to be honest with me. I appreciated the honesty but immediately broke up with him on the spot. He took a risk. Next time he will probably just cheat on his next woman and pray he doesn’t get caught.
    I have had girlfriends ask me to have threesomes with their boyfriends/husbands and lost friendships with them over saying no. I am your friend. I don’t want bisexual sex with you just to please your man. I am not sexually attracted to you or your man. I have always never said that but always been polite and said I think it would hurt the relationship we had as friends. It pisses me off because if I had sex with them behind the guys back it would be an issue or if I cheated with their man it would be an issue. Yet my not wanting to have threesome sex with them and their partner so their asshole man can have an experience most of the time just HE wants makes me feel used and not like a friend at all. Plus most of the time the friends that actually fall for this ploy and do it usually fuck up the friendship because their so called friend now feels threatened by them or doesn’t respect them. Basically, saying a lot of wives and girlfriends add to their own issues by trying to be too open minded to their men. They also send out a very strong message to their girlfriends that the only thing important to them in their lives is pleasing their man and this is women with or without children. It’s worth using your girlfriends to keep your man happy but treat her like shit if she actually is sexually curious or wants to help you out, It’s not always the other woman having low self-esteem.

  18. Kate says:

    Men seem to want multiple partners. Most of them. Mostly for sex. It seems to be hard-wired into them biologically speaking. They can be willing and able to step up to the plate and commit to a woman emotionally and long-term. Lots of them if they can’t or don’t want to commit to a woman will often still be good providers, and protectors and fathers. It’s a hard and bitter pill for most of us women to swallow. Yet most of them seem to want and crave and do what they can to get extra sex on the side. So the ethical dilemma do I cheat and hope I don’t get caught or do I risk being honest and get left? I think this is a really hard place for men to be. As a woman, I’m still the one that no matter how much I talk with a man honestly and do as much safer sex as possible its still fraught with risks for me. I’m the one more likely to get exposed to an STD than he is, I’m the one that is more than likely going to get labeled a whore or low self esteem if I sleep around myself or let him, I’m the one stuck with the kid if my birth control fails. I’m the one treated like crap if I choose to abort or adopt the unwanted pregnancy out. He can just choose to pay child support but I’m the one left with raising the kid. Single motherhood sucks. I’m not one but it sure looks like a crap deal to me. It’s really hard for me as a woman to not feel at times like accepting a mans sex drive or his strong need for multiple pussy doesn’t make him a worthless jackass. I can totally understand why men get labeled pigs. Yet, this doesn’t respect men or solve the issue of sex between the genders.
    When I have opted for a trad relationship where I expect monogamy I have gotten cheated on or the few times not cheated on we split separate ways and the issue was always he didn’t want a monogamous relationship. I have had an open relationship once. We talked and we practiced safer sex, always. Even with both of us using condoms always. Guess what? Even with all that communication and safety-I still got a form of HPV that gave me warts and the beginning stages of cervical cancer. He left me over it. Talk about the ultimate betrayal. I’ve also been in a situation where I was married but my husband would not have sex with me for years. Yes, it was a medical condition and it was treatable but HE decided he didn’t have time to treat it and gave me permission to have somebody on the side and not bother him. I caved after 3 years of not taking him up on his offer when I ran into an old guy friend I always had a thing for. he had an open relationship with his wife and he knew about my past with the open relationship i had years ago and the HPV. The wife had also taken some of his friends as sex buddies which in these cases is very bad form. One day during playtime she comes home early. She catches us directly afterwards. They have an open marriage right? She feels threatened and in order to keep their marriage on even keel we stop our sexual activities, which is really good timing because not a month later my Husband decides finally to get his medical issue taken care of. He asks me if I had somebody else to please get rid of him. Yet a few months later I am suffering from bronchitis and on my period. He gets pissed at me that I can’t sexually service him on demand even with just a blowjob. truthfully, I think my friends wife is a selfish fucked up cunt, and so was my husband at the time. Married people can be assholes too both in their marriages and outside of it. Yes, I learned my lesson. The lesson being not monogamy or open which one is better or not. not who is the worst asshole-men or women. The lesson being friends of both genders will use you for their own needs if you let them. Wives and girlfriends are often just as guilty of having themselves cheated on. It’s not a simple case of men vs. women. Or single people vs. married people. Or the childless against those with children. Or that whore other woman against the totally innocent wife or girlfriend. A dishonest scared little wifey bitch especially with brat babies will use another woman to get out of having sex with her husband or boyfriend because she doesn’t want it anymore so she can not be alone and still have his protection and help and money and then when it doesn’t suit her its the other womans fault never her own dishonesty or her hubbies fault. Rolling my fucking eyes-Bitch please your marriage deserves trampling because you are just as much of a user bitch as your asshole hubby. Guess what sometimes the other woman just wants friendship and fun sex with your husband. She doesn’t want your marriage to wreck up or your kids to be hurt and if she knows its okay she might go for it only to find out that wifey just wanted a break from her sex duties and now that she has gotten her little breakey she is going to tantrum on her husband and especially the other woman and its usually because of her kids. she thinks her man will leave her and she will be stuck raising them on her own. I think its a valid fear and I don’t blame women for feeling that way. If you have been cheated on fine have your hissy fit with your hubby. In some cases i think its okay to alert the other woman if she has no clue. But in the cases where you have given permission and you decide to choose to not end things on a positive and respectful but yes firm note than having a hissy fit with the other woman is just as classless. You are the dumb bitch that has the communication problem and should have put your foot down and said no to your husband. You are as much of a user whore as your hubby and the other woman. A good portion of other women do care about marriages and children and have no intentions of taking your hubby they just want some sex or fun. That makes them low self esteem whores but you are the victim wife. Please. Life is not so black and white. Also I’m writing this because I have been cheated on and been in the hurt wife position, I’ve also tried two different open relationships. Neither monogamy nor open is all that it’s cracked up to be. Life isn’t that simple.

  19. Kate says:

    People in general will use you. You will at times use other people in some way or another at some point in your life. Try to not put yourself in the position of getting used as much as possible and try not to use other people as much as possible. People are human some mistakes are on accident or trail and error some are just very selfish. Realize people are basically good but they will be selfish and dishonest at times to get their needs met or allay their fears. Forgive when you can. Even when everyone is honest and communicating stuff comes up. Protect yourself. Stick up for yourself. Stick up for others. Know when to walk away. Just realize this these are lessons. Try to have as much self respect and dignity as possible. It’s too easy to judge and really i truly have been on both sides of the wall so i get both sides. Overall, take responsibility for yourself but as a wife don’t let yourself be trampled on and if you’ve ever been an other woman it isn’t a condition of allowing yourself to be gutted over a wife either just because she is a wife. Both need to own up. And no i’m not dismissing men. If a man is hurting you more than making your life and relationship worth it either leave his ass or figure out a way where you can still be happy.

  20. Rosealee says:

    You laugh at the wives? Seriously? The narcissim of cheaters and those they cheat with never ceases to amaze me. Laughing because someone is deceiving and lying to a person they promised to love and cherish is so devoid of empathy it’s scary. Oh, I know you’re not responsible for his marriage. You didn’t make the vows so it’s okay to participate in the deception. How awesome for you to be above morals and integrity. I wouldn’t be so smug. After all you’re getting a liar and a cheater to spend time with you. Hardly a prize worth bragging about. I’d be more concerned about STDs than his wife who you seem to think is somehow not worthy of decency and respect. Although, if had any yourself, you wouldn’t sleep with married men.

  21. pissed says:

    I agree with michelle m. My x girlfriend is after my husband that’s why she is x’d she works nights and can call him in the day while I’m at work. She has been told along with husband to stop. Not happening so he’s on his way out and down the road,shell get what she deserves..skanky b

  22. alabama says:

    U r a fool with no selfworth. A man can push and pull u when ever he is ready. The husband is only using you for what he isnt getting at home. He doesnt love u nor want u just using u. And why would u be with a man that cheats on his wife. And what does that say about yourself. He will never b with u because u have no morals and no self respect. Yes i agree there are problems in the marriage and the husband coping skills is inappropriate and so is your. U and the husband both have issues. I see nothing wrong with the wife demanding her husband to stop the affair. Thats the frist step in getting things back on track. I also can understand the pain and hurt u both
    Must have caused her. The betrayal of her husband. Just remember what type of man you are dealing with and what gos around comes around

  23. Gina says:

    It’s homewrecking whores like you that are ruining families & make the world horrible! Enjoy your eternal life with Satan…I bet he has fun with sluts like yoyrself

    • tegan23 says:

      I have to say in some ways I totally understand what she means. Some men stray because they are cheaters others do Ecuador we as wives are not showing them the love the need. I’m learning this the hard way I have been cheated on twice and now my husband has left me and has a girlfriend. Instead of acting like a crazy bitch though I got my shit together.

      Yes it hurts but I also no I pushed him to it the second time around by not showing him the love and attention he needs. So to call anyone a names or anything like that is immature. I don’t have anything against this girl but I don’t have sympathy either. You won’t find me stalking her or calling her names though.

      Here is my advice to you girls that feel like your man is yours. One he is his own person like she has stated several times. Two he has needs just the same as you! It isn’t fair to ask him to take out the trash or go to the mall and then say no when he asks for sex. Three sex is not a holding card. Four get your head on straight don’t act crazy and treat him with respect.

      I’m learning instead if being horribly hurt and it is working. I’m sweet to him and kind. We joke and text each other every day… What started out as hopeless is budding into a wonderful friendship with my husband. Yes we are physically involved and yes he still has his gf, but he sees me more then her and has me sleep over. So despit everything I see us getting past this very easily.

      My thing is you need to learn that your husband isn’t someone to walk on and treat badly because he doesn’t take out the trash one night. You are not so superior to him just because you are a women. Work on your relationship and have fun with yor husband because if you don’t they will stray.

    • CapricornMee says:

      Do not judge so that you will not be judged, For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

      Ohhh, we’re passing judgement!! Be careful to put your mouth on others a pass judgement unless you are “Jesus” himself, meaning you’re perfect. You may just end up being that other woman one day. Don’t speak too soon!

  24. Stephanie says:

    I don’t know how I ended up here, but I’m so glad I did because now I can say: Wtf is this?! Who ever wrote this has serious issues, not just self esteem issues, but very serious moral issues.
    “The other woman” as you endearingly call yourself, is nothing but a bottom feeder. Like in a fish tank, you swim around and collect all the scraps that the good fish don’t want. A man that is feeling half himself needs half a woman to fix him, because he is to ashamed to show his wife that he isn’t strong enough to do it on his own. So, he finds some one with no standards, such as “the other woman”, uses her to make himself whole again, all the while praying that his wife never finds out that he isn’t exactly what she thought.
    The problem that some men run into is hitting that part of mating where the chemicals in your brain take over your use of good judgement. It’s that “first love” feeling that everyone gets! It’s the devil. At the same time though its natural.
    The point is- at the end of the day, month, or however long, once the man gets sick of his bottom feeder (the other woman) he always goes back to his wife. And guess what he says about the other woman – “wtf was I thinking?!?”
    I’m glad I’m not a free hooker (the other woman).

  25. Alice in wonderland says:

    Good article because it gives insight into the entire dynamic of an affair.
    No,asking the other woman does no good.You can’t expect a selfish person to relate to the pain they are causing another because they could care less.

    I’m almost wondering if the author isn’t the woman my husband became involved with ,it’s so
    spot on.She too goes from one man to another like a tossed ball.Sry,C.X. but you put it out there:)Honestly,is this really fulfilling for you?To each their own….

    I feel sorry for the cheated wife because it is soul destroying.
    I feel sorry for the other woman who is selling herself short for affairs that eventually end instead of having a real relationship.And can be soul destroying in it’s own way.C.X.I don’t hate you.I feel sorry for you though.

    If my husband ever cheats me again?
    Instead of asking the other woman to leave him alone?
    I’m calling the other woman up and saying:Come get him!You can have him;)Enjoy!
    Then go on with my life free of it all.
    There will be no…oh, let me fullfill your needs better.
    I’ll worry about my own,let her worry about yours.
    Until the novelty wears off.

  26. Annie says:

    I once dated a married man. At that time, I was 24years old, life was good, i had no worries. The guy fell in love with me so bad that he literally cried when I called it off because I had met a single guy I was ready to date. To cut the story short, I am presently married, in my 30s and my husband is having an affair. It is obvious he is in love with her. He knows I am aware of the relationship and he apologised but I know he is still seeing her secretly. He has refused counselling, he thinks that is silly. I have made up my mind to leave and allow him explore his fantasies otherwise my efforts to win him back would be like trying to hold down a barking dog, thats just silly cos u could get hurt in the process. One thing I believe is that no one can be forced to love, it is a free will. Love isn’t a competition, it isnt a fight. I think it’s completely silly to fight for love. If he is willing to jeopardise our marriage for his affair, then he is solely responsible for the consequences. I would never call the other woman or inquire about her. She is the least of my worries. I wouldnt lose sleep worrying about her. i love my husband to bits but as a woman you have to be emotionally stong and stick to your terms. There is a thin line between determination and desperation.

    Coming from the perspective of being the other woman once upon a time, I have gathered that cheating is sweetest when it is forbidden and hidden and trust me it will take a strong willed and God fearing man to end that kind of relationship. Of all the relationships I had, the sweetest was with this married man cos it was hidden. It added to the excitement. Did I regret it? YES! With every breath I take I regret looking his direction how much more dating him. Now I know what his wife must have felt. It’s painful, emotionally and mentally exhausting.

    Dating a married man is compeletely myopic. if a man would leave his wife for you or cheat with you, trust me it’s only a matter of time for a sexier, smarter and heartless version of you to come around and he will cheat on you just like he did with his wife. You aren’t made of gold neither did you drop from the sky so what makes you so special that he won’t be tempted to look away? Men are natural cheats so the fact that he is doing it with you doesn’t make you any better than his wife or mean that she is a bore and trust me, as the other woman, majority of what he says about his marriage is fabricated. A married man would say anything to keep his mistress smiling. Who wouldn’t?! I’m a strong believer of “what goes around comes around”. It may not come directly to you, it may happen to your loved one. However, it comes around to remind you of your past. Someone said this “what goes around comes around” quote to me while i was seeing this married man. I laughed so hard cos i thought it was silly. Well now i know better. You married men daters might think it is cool now, it’s only a matter of time for it to come around so hard you won’t know what hit you so the wives of these married man had better get some popcorn ready to watch. I’m sure the wife of the guy I dated is giggling with her popcorn now!

  27. Tess says:

    Women willing to date married men used to be stoned….A mistress totally wrecked my life..and my childrens life…We divorced..but he also divorced his kids…The Bimbo would set up my kids to fail…saying that they were disrespectful to her..which was a lie…She would flirt with other men in front of my 11 year old daughter…..hhhmm..seems to me..she didnt want those kids around their father…she did her best to make the kids hate her..then cryied victim to my ex hubby…he believed everything SHE SAID…WAS HER WORD TRUSTWORTHY?? HELL NO!!

    She had had sex with her brother in law….sex with her husbands best friend and made a baby with him….Shes a total whore..but so was my husband I had found out later..

    We were owners of a big successful company…WITH HIS NAME OVER THE DOOR…ALL THE ROACH MISTRESS’S CAME OUT OF THE WOOD WORK..and I guess he enjoyed the attention..although none of it was based on his personality…only his money…which he was proud to show everyone..

    SORRY MISTRESS…if girls like you didnt exist..and wouldnt date our men…then our marriages would be easier to maintain..Your a cancer…and at one time..in a more sane era of time…the cancer was stoned…and eradicated from the society..to preserve the families…

    Its barbaric to do anything that helps to perpetuate the GOLDDIGGER MISTRESS SYSTEM..ITS BAD FOR ALL SOCIETIES FOR MARRIAGES TO BREAWK UP.

    YOU IDIOT…HE WAS NOT PERFECT..AND YOU IDIOTS TELL THE CHEATING MAN..WHAT A WONDERFUL GUY HE IS……gggeeessshhh…Hes a cheat..a liar..and you fools call him wonderful?

    You do us no favors by pitting our men against us…My hubbys bitchtress even got him to call me and his children..PARASITES…WOW..WAS THAT EVER A SHOCKER..So..then what is she ??? She doesn’t even belong among our family…Shes a roach..

    She made all kinds of excuses to come to my house when I was gone…ONE TIME..SHE LEFT HER CLOTHS IN MY DIRTY LAUNDRY HAMPER.. of course I found them..SHE WAS TRYING TO DESTROY MY MARRIAGE..He being the ego maniac he was…enjoyed the attention.

    It does not matter about his personality…what matters..WOMEN CONTROL THE MORALITY OF THE LAND…Many men are just whores for attention…but if the women are moral…there are no mistress’s…


    Im planning to start a movement against mistress’s..where instead of having a red A on their foreheads like it used to be in more civilized societies that protected the family..I will have a site where wives like myself..can tell our story..and post the photo of their husbands BITCHTRESS..IN PUBLIC…PUBLIC HUMILIATION..LIKE IT USED TO BE… Perhaps that will make these immoral hags think twice about dating another womans husband…and destroying him and his family.

    You see you fool..you Bitchtress’s do that man no favor.

    My ex IS MISERABLE…Shes looting him for every dollar she can get…Hes always angry and depressed…Her kids think hes a friggen human ATM MACHINE..He is not happy…I was a good wife…and met him when he was poor….and I married him..when he was poor..

    Who loves a man more…the wife who married him when he was poor…and she bear his children.

    Or the Bitchtress that only pursued him because his name was on the door of a large company?

    See..you bitches do that man no favor….She destroyed my husbands life…and his family as well..as her own family…Shes a whore…before my ex..she would wrap her crotch..her lips around any mans (^%& that would have her…My ex wont believe anything Ive told him





    You should be stoned..your a pariah in any decent society…and the less of your types there are…the better off mankind would be..YOU SUCK…

    THE FAMILY IS THE STRENGTH OF ANY NATION…YOU ARE DESTROYING YOUR OWN HOUSE BY DATING MARRIED MEN…there is nothing noble about you..You do no one any damned favor by dating our men..

  28. Tess says:

    Oh yes..I forgot to mention this…My husbands BITCHTRESS…calls me several years later..and wants me to help her with her marriage…geeessshhhhhhhhh She was having trouble with him…

    I said to her…”I told you when you were dating my husband..that he was a very confused man as was just about to get get help…when you came along..and told him how wonderful he was…Of course he wanted to hear that…instead of his wife telling him he needed to get some help…”

    My husband was emotionally abused by his dad…He has issues…he would ask my why I would love him…I told him..I just do…I would not divorce my son..or daughter..why would I divorce you?

    He was a good man in many ways..but he did have a bad side to him…He was an emotional abuser..but NEVER a psychical abuser..He always took good care of us..but he did have issues

    but those issues were none of her business..If she didnt come along..and she pursued my husband FOR ONE YEAR…before she got her wish….if she didnt come along..he would have seeked help..He was about to crack..and couldn’t understand why he was the way he was..

    I told her I will not comply..as I will respect her marriage..more than she respected mine..

    shes insanely jealous of me…He always stares at me when were in the same place…She sees this and will jump in between us so he cant see me..its funny.

    I think that is why she sabbatoged my children..She didnt like him to have a relationshiop with them..cause then he would have reason to see me too..

    Obviously..my ex is a weak and balless man..She orders him around like a slave…Men hate divorce..and Im sure he does not wish to build a new life..and if divorced…she will make around 5,000 a mo off of him..in alimony…

    He inherited a very large amount of money whilst we were married..I never once..tried to get one dollar of that money..EVER…she is trying to get every dollar out of that account she can…so she can get half…

    In time..she will go…Hes not that much fun these days..and has now begun to run the company into the ground…

    He always tells us hes dying…Im sure hes lied to her..and told her she would inherit the company…LMAO LMAO..LMAO…BUT THE JOKE IS ON HER…SHE WILL INHERIT NOTHING OF THAT COMPANY…THE FAMILY HAS IT TIED UP IN SUCH A WAY..NO SPOUSE INHERITS ANYTHING OF THE COMPANY…


    Im better than her..she knows it…He knows it too..;.Im sure hes very sad at what hes done to his life..With me..life was a breeze..and a woman who has a mans children is much more tolerant of him..than these roach bitches..

    One time..she told her gal pal that she could make him do anything she wanted…so while the woman..and the man (who told me about this) watched her as instructed….she trotted my ex over to a booth..and argued with him until she got her $400 belt…then trots back to the couple..and says..See..i can make him do anything I want..and I dont even like this belt.

    See the hell my husband made for himself




  29. Tess says:





  30. stephaniemacleod12@gmail.com says:

    Please no hateful comments even if you think I sound crazy. I feel crazy but I’m really not. He has lied about things in the past or I ‘d just trust him. I’m working on the trust but i’m second guessing myself here and I need some unbiased advice.

    I found this page because I suspect that my husband cheated on a business trip with a girl he told he still dreamt about after we were already engaged. I know this because he left his fb messages open one day and I saw the discussion. He and she were friends when he was stationed in El Paso and from what I can gather, she told him that she liked him back when. I know he still communicates with her via texting and probably phone calls when he’s not with me. He never makes calls on his phone except for work around me. Anyway this girl is a friend of a girl he was dating at the time he lived in El Paso, so if she’s willing to betray her friend, then I feel she’s dangerous and just doesn’t give a crap about anyone’s feelings. Anyway, he had to go there for business and lo and behold he reached out to her to say that he needed to talk to her. Her reply was something along the lines of “”i’m at work now, so I can’t talk I’ll text you when I can talk. Again, I wasn’t “”snooping”‘ per se but noticed the fb messenger thing light up his ipad and it was her so I had to look because I had a feeling he’d contact her or some other girl from there. So instead of driving myself crazy and thinking the worst. I called him and asked him what he need to talk to her about. He knows she’s a red flag for me. He gave me some story about having to ask her if a business bank account was stll opened there (she was the secretary for the non profit compay he had someone else had) Not sure I really believe it or not. he hasn’t lived there in over 3 years so it struck me funny that he would ask her about that. I didn’t buy it but had no other proof to go on so…
    He left for the trip and we were skyping one day, and his phone said the got a text from “laura” . he has a program that says stuff out loud. So I said, Oh Laura really? Tell her I said hi… immediately he said, Oh! Not that laura another laura”” about something else regarding a press release. I asked him if he and laura where getting together for drinks or dinner since he’d be there and he said, oh.. I was going to ask you if it was okay, but our plans fell though and since the air conditoning in the room is so nice, so I”m stayiing in.

    Sorry this is long.. so again, I have suspicions but no proof. Before he left, he had a picture of me as the screensaver on his GalaxyII and when he returned, it was changed to something else and he wasn’t wearing his ring.

    I’m considering friending her on fb just to see what happens. My excuse was going to be. well, since you are one of alyns friends, I thought next time we are in El paso, we could get together all of us for dinner. I will be able to judge by his reaction and her reaction to it if there’s anything to be worried about. What do you all think. .

    • Catherine says:

      I don’t think your plan is a good one. If you think he is having an affair, ask him. If he denies it and you still think he’s having an affair do what you can to find out and if he is get rid of him. Once you think he’s having an affair, I don’t think going through things like phone bills, bank statements etc. is snooping. You are just looking for evidence to enable you to get rid of him if he is having an affair. Most women who believe their husbands are cheating are usually right.

  31. Catherine says:

    This is good advice, but in my experience it is better to just get rid of the husband. Most men who cheat and get caught will just do it again, ‘cos by staying with them you are letting them know they can get away with it.

    My first marriage was bad. It shouldn’t have even happened but I was young and naive. When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband had an affair. I bought those stupid books on how to fix your marriage after an affair. Looking back it was kind of stupid, ‘cos I was trying to fix something that was broken from the beginning. Then he had another affair, and another, and another – with different women, not the same one. I lost count TBH but it took several of them, and many years before I threw him out and changed the locks. I had to change the locks or he wouldn’t have gone. What a lot of mistresses don’t realize is that many women actually try to get rid of cheating husbands but they won’t go.

    It was a long time being unhappy, and I would advise other women to get rid of him the first time (or better still don’t get married at all if you know it’s not right). I know it’s hard when you have small children, but it’s easier than putting up with several years of crap, and you will be way happier in the long run.

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