So, after numerous requests and a heartfelt email yesterday I’ll suck it up and write this but I’m not even sure where to start…I’m not a professional and can only offer my advice on this topic but I’ll do my best…
Should you contact the other woman?
I honestly think most women should contact her, it can give them closure to the affair in their mind but there are some guidelines I think you should follow:
-do not contact her while you are emotional…from my experience even though I’m willing to speak to a wife I’m not willing to sit and have insults thrown at me and normally that is what an overly emotional female will do and if I’m feeling really mean I can throw insults back at her knowing what will really hurt (I did sleep with your husband and a lot of times you are feeling insecure)
-speak with your husband first…depending on your actual level of trust this can be good or bad but most women know when a man is lying and it will allow you to have an upper hand in the conversation because you do not have to take everything the woman tells you at face value and as the truth (keep in mind if you are trying to reconcile your marriage this woman might want your man so do not let her get in your head)
-keep the conversation to the point…get the information you want and leave it at that, you do not want to let her get in your head or even give you advice on your relationship…find out what you want to know from her and don’t torture yourself while doing so…I had one woman ask me for a play by play only to find out her husband apologized for the affair and then told her he wasn’t sorry that it ultimately happened because I was the most amazing sex he had ever had…I’m sure hearing that play by play crushed her even more…
Those are the main points I can give anyone when contacting a lady their husband has had an affair with but this is based on my experience and most of these women are lucky that I will NEVER allow myself to get feelings for a married man so I had no interest in destroying their relationship…
My answers to some common questions…
Women typically ask me the same questions when they contact me and I’ll try to answer some of them because I feel that for some of you it might help since you cannot contact the other woman or will not contact the other woman…
Did I know he was married?
The answer to this question has only ever been “no” one time and that guy was the scum of the Earth so yes I knew he was your husband but if he didn’t care about your marriage…why should I?
Did he speak about me?
Most of the time yes and believe it or not it was not always negative…your husband probably shared a lot about your relationships problems with me or if he wanted only sex he occasionally spoke about how wrong it was and how he shouldn’t do what he did but you weren’t satisfying him enough
Did he ever express feelings for you?
A lot of married men will but not all of them mean it sometimes it’s just spur of the moment…if he did mean it most of the time a wife knew her relationship had issues as well and sensed something stronger than just an affair was going on…I’ve been told “I love you” by plenty of married men who are still married and felt guilty about what they did so they obviously cared about their wife…..
How long did this affair go on?
Most of the men I am with are long term affairs…a few are one time or short term but a lot of them were content to go on until you found out or until one of us grew tired…
What did you do with my husband?
I try not to give a literal play by play here but believe it or not once again it wasn’t always sex…a lot of men take me on “dates”, trips, just wanted to get together to talk, etc…not every affair I have is just about sex (most aren’t)
Why do you do this?
I honestly love my life…some men are sugar daddies to me (I’m not ashamed to admit it) and most of the time I get every benefit of being in a relationship without the inconvenience of actually dealing with the relationship…some women claim if you have been cheated on you would never do this to another person but I have been cheated on by men and it doesn’t stop me from being available if a man wants to cheat….
Hopefully this is along the lines of what some of you were looking for and I’m sure it’s given some of you insight on how to keep the other woman out of your marriage