And your so called friends were where?

Okay sorry for the long break in blogging…I have been extremely busy and haven’t felt like blogging much but thank you for the emails to see if I was okay!

 

This entry isn’t meant to place blame on other people but more of something that crossed my mind a few days ago and has me wondering what role “friends” play in relationships….this might come as a surprise to many of you but there are few bonds I feel are more sacred than the bonds of female friends but overall I take my friendships very seriously which is why I will always SUPPORT the relationships and marriages of my friends (unless they are toxic) so this has me wondering if most friends will do this for each other…

I received a call from my friend’s husband recently while she was out of town and he wanted me to come over (this isn’t going where you think it’s going…) so I did and we sat and drank wine and talked about life for HOURS…he told me their relationship hadn’t been going so good before she left and he was just annoyed that he felt she wasn’t supporting him in life…my first question to him was did he speak to her about this and when he said he tried my next suggestion was to send her an email or a letter so his thoughts could come out without being interrupted…I was going to call a cab to leave (drunk driving isn’t something I do) and he asked me to stay so I slept on the sofa and we both woke up with massive hang overs…when we went for the easiest cure of Denny’s the next morning he admitted to me that night he had every intent of calling an ex of his and asking her to come over and spend the night with him…he said he called me instead because he knew I wouldn’t steer him in the wrong direction at all and I would keep an eye on him for the night (which is why he asked me to stay)…he ended up sending her an email explaining how he felt which she ended up showing me…that luckily opened up a good dialogue between them about both their frustrations in the relationship and they have started to work things out………he mentioned to me that some of his male friends were quick to tell him to f**k another girl or at least hit up his ex (who falls all over him like some desperate woman)…….

I had a female friend show up at my condo in tears a few months after she got married…she had found text messages from her husband which showed him flirting with another woman…she was determined that night to find a man to bring home and rub it in his face that she could also get the attention of the opposite sex….so we called a car and went out for the night and when a man tried to take her home I told her if she wanted to sleep in someone else’s bed she was sleeping in my bed (not sexually)…the next morning after lots of tears I told her to actually go talk to her husband…his behavior might have been uncalled for but her sleeping with another man wasn’t going to solve anything and she had no real proof that he had slept with this woman (and since I have been the other woman so many times my cheater-radar is spot on and it wasn’t going off)…the spoke about this and ended up going to therapy…they are still in therapy once a month to keep things open in terms of communication but they are now expecting their 2nd child and a much happier couple…..

There are quite a few stories I have like this and my point isn’t that I am trying to “prove” anything to those of you who read my blog and hate me but more so I have to wonder…..when you have people stand with you on your wedding day and come celebrate with you I feel that they take on a responsibility to support your marriage regardless of what that takes….I am the type of person who will always pick up the phone and call my friends and say “how are things?”, “should we go out for coffee?”, “let’s do dinner”, etc…especially my married friends…mainly because in my experiences I know that when people do not have an outlet that is safe they will find one that is a bit risky or they will not realize things are bad or they are upset until things have gotten out of control….

I also wonder how good of a “friend” someone is when they know you and your significant other are supposedly in a good relationship and they help you sabotage it…I have been with married men who friend’s will lie for them or provide an alibi when they want to come meet me…BB is the only real friend who I have let cross that line (and I am not a friend of his wife) and it still feels so wrong and almost like I messed up our friendship….when your significant other cheated or when you cheated where were all these people who were supposedly there to support your relationship and help guide it?  Yes, ultimately we are all responsible for our own decisions but I do not think anyone is expected to be such a strong person that they never need someone to lean on……

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Is the “affair down” theory just a defense mechanism?

Okay, before everyone attacks me and I get the “I hate you” emails this is my personal opinion and based off the opinions of my friends and the experiences I have had….I can’t speak for everyone so I could be completely wrong here but I’m going to write this blog entry regardless…

So, there is this wonderful expectation of being female that you have to compete with other females…we have frienemies in addition to our real friends and those aren’t the only women we compete with….there are the women at work, our ex’s new woman and for some women there is the affair partner….I keep seeing all of these articles about how men affair down which basically means that a man will have an affair with a woman who is “less” than his wife however not every article defines what less means…I know there are a handful of women who have extremely low self esteem and will pretty much sleep with any man who gives them an ounce of attention but do these articles really believe that these are the only women that men want to sleep with?  I wanted to give my theories on some of the “affair down” things I have read and why I do not completely agree with them…

The first thing that comes to mind with affairs is a man who can pick the types of woman he wants…if we look at a man who can do this openly without a fear of being caught such as Cody Brown from Sister Wives or a bigamist who hides his life fairly well you will notice a common thread….NONE of the wives are alike…within the Brown family one is homemaker, one is a career woman, one is a trophy type wife and one is unsure of her place and is insecure because of that…if Cody were to have an affair with these women which would be the “affair down”?  The homemaker because she has no career?  Or the career woman because she is not the most attractive?  Or maybe even the trophy wife because she young and inexperienced at life compared to the rest……there is also a movie which deals with a bigamist who is married to three different women who are three completely different personalities and my first thought was how could he be attracted to all of these women, they are nothing alike…but even though a man might be attracted to a certain “type” of woman…when having an affair he is going to seek something that is lacking at home so it is rare his affair partner is going to be the same type of woman he has at home…I even asked quite a few of my guy friends (married, dating and single) and with the exception of one they said if they were going to cheat they would most likely cheat with a different type of woman…..

Another thing these articles focus on is how “ugly” or “fat” the other woman is…typically to the point that a man does not want to be seen in public with the other woman….well I am going to toot my own horn here I know in the cases of the men I have been with that is not the case…as far as my body, many women would kill to have a body like mine, I’m stopped in the gym and asked about my workout routine and diet all the time and my trainer keeps pictures of me in his office for a reason…not to mention plenty of women make comments when they see me eating things that are considered unhealthy about how they wish they could look like me and still eat a cupcake or something similar (everything in moderation) BUT…after talking to men over the years there is no one definition of “pretty”…yes, for the most part our society has certain definitions of what we think an attractive person should look like but it’s rare that every man feels that way…plus unless a man is completely drunk, it is rare he will hook up with someone he is not slightly attracted to….so I have to wonder with this issue if women are just being petty and trying insult a woman that they might see as a threat to their relationship….as for the whole not wanting to be seen in public…with the exception of the higher profile men that I’ve had affairs with, once again this isn’t true on my end because I have gone out with plenty of men that have just been affair partners but did anyone ever consider that when a man is having an affair it’s hard to take another woman out on a date?  There have been awkward moments when a family friend has bumped into the man I was out with and he had to explain who the random woman was and not every guy can explain things like that quickly and easily or keep it in line with whatever he told his wife he was actually doing…

I also hear that the other woman is never as successful as the wife…I am interested in hearing a definition of success for this type of argument…is a successful woman a homemaker, a career woman, a woman who is just happy in life?  Many people accuse me of being unhappy and unsuccessful because I am not married with children but that’s not really the direction I hope my life goes in so I feel we each define our own success…I am happily married to my job and wouldn’t have it any other way so unless a man is having an affair with a crack whore, I don’t think anyone can judge someone else on success level…

I’m sure that I’ll get some backlash for this saying this article was just a defense mechanism for me but I think these affair down theories are defense mechanisms for wives to a certain extent…even when a man breaks up with a woman for a legitimate reason a majority of women will try and find ways that they are better than the new woman in his life and I feel that this “affair down” is no different….just my opinion…you don’t have to agree with it!

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A little (more) Q&A

WOW, so I guess someone with a crazy popular blog linked to my blog and my traffic has been crazy ever since (2,000+ views a day) but I’ve gotten quite a few emails (thank you for the compliments) and quite a few questions…so I’ll address a few of them here (especially the ones that have been asked multiple times)….

Q:  Are you really a female?
A:  LOL yes, there are a few guys who regularly read my blog who know I am really a female and know me in real life (maybe one or two will comment on this post)

Q:  Do I really hate men?
A:  It’s more of a can’t live with them, can’t live without them hate…I have just come to not think highly of them between everyday life and the ones who are willing to have affairs…I’m not saying women are “proven” better than men but I’m a female LOL don’t you always think you’re right or better for that matter in these arguments?

Q:  Do I care if people find out who I am?
A:  Not really, out of respect I don’t put these men on blast that I sleep with on the internet or in their regular life but if things do come out well…so be it….I clearly didn’t post on the internet with high hopes of privacy or anything

Q:  Have I ever had my heartbroken by a married man?
A:  No, and to this date I never will…I tend to follow really strict rules for the married men I am willing to get involved with and how I and they will conduct themselves…I also do not consider sex something to attach to emotional value to so it doesn’t quite make me “bond” with the person on any sort of deep level…one lady who commented on my blog told me to never say never about the heartbreak but I’m pretty sure I won’t ever get that way with a married man…these relationships are so different than any man I’ve ever dated (and yes, I’ve had my heart broken by men I have dated seriously but those men were not married)

Q:  Do you have any morals?
A:  I guess very low ones by some people’s standards but I’m not sure one can be judged by their sexual activity…I am honest almost to a fault (I won’t even lie to a wife who directly asks me questions), I’ll be the first person to admit when I’m wrong and cheating, stealing, etc are things I would never do so I’m not sure how you judge morals in your mind but I don’t think I’m the worst person in the world

Q:  Are you narcissistic? 
A:  I would have to say no, I do see a therapist regularly and I am not as self centered in real life as I come off in my writing…I’m not sure if that question was asked because I occasionally comment about keeping myself and my body looking good…I should clarify that I don’t think I have a PERFECT body but I am in amazing shape (sorry, it’s the truth) and I work hard to keep myself looking that way mainly because I think everyone feels better when they look their best (I know I do)……..if it was asked because my writing comes off as being self centered, well I wrote this blog for me and if people want to read it, that’s great and I really love that but it’s my blog so I feel this is the one place I can be extremely self centered and care only about my own thoughts…..I will say though I am noticing the people who get ahead quickly in life are the ones who care about themselves first and put their own needs first in most situations so maybe a bit of being self centered isn’t the worst thing in the world…

Q:  Why only married men?
A:  I don’t only sleep with married men (ugh I guess it’s time for me to just blog about other things or life in general…I don’t focus my life on sex with married men) but I guess that you were looking for a deeper answer…I am not sure I have one but I found out from a young age that this arraignment with married men works well for me especially since I’m not too keen on relationships……as for the typical daddy issues, I had the best dad ever…jealousy issues, no, because I’m thoroughly happy for my friends in relationships and I do not TOUCH men who are with women that I have any sort of loyalty to…

Q:  Do you have sex for money?
A:  No!  Not just because that’s illegal and dangerous but it seems a bit too awkward of a way to have sex….I guess some might consider my sugar daddy relationships sex for money but I don’t they’re quite different but everyone has their own opinions…

Q:  Do you have your own job and make your own money or do you only rely on sugar daddies?
A:  I have my own job (but my college degree was partially paid for by a sugar daddy) and I make my own money…I would hate to actually be dependent on anyone to live

Q:  Do you plan on doing this forever?
A:  I barely plan my vacations out ahead of time to plan my sex life out is a bit odd…I don’t think I’ll do this forever because there is no way I could…

Q:  Why don’t you post more often?
A:  I only post when I have something to say worthwhile (to me at least…idk what other people think about posts) and something slightly significant…I don’t think this blog needs to be about every text, phone call, visit, etc I ever get it would be tedious and boring at that point but maybe I’ll blog about another topic also

Q:  Do you get a lot of hate mail?
A:  Not usually…a lot of women disagree with what I do and most are respectful about it and I get a lot of people who want to tell me I’m a terrible person and psychoanalyze me but this blog is first and foremost for me so I don’t care too much about negative messages I get

So hopefully the main questions have been answered and if not send me an email or leave it in the comments…I’ll get around to answering it at some point….

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Do I occasionally think more about your marriage than your husband?

HEA texted me earlier this week and kept flirting for awhile then asked if he could stop by because he missed me…I told him that was fine and asked him when he wanted to come over and he said he was at dinner with his wife, I realized how much of his time had been spent ignoring her while they were at dinner together and I told him to stop being rude and pay attention to her (I don’t like the woman but he shouldn’t be so disrespectful either)…he responded with I don’t give a f**k about what she thinks, part of me wishes she would read my phone now and just leave so I could come see you now…..I told him I was going to ignore him until I knew he was finished with dinner because he had no right to be so disrespectful to his wife and he could call me when he was on his way.  He called me about an hour later and said that he was on his way so when he got here he asked if he could smoke so we went up to my rooftop area and sat for a bit…I told him regardless of what he does with me he needs to be a bit a respectful of his wife even if I don’t like her, he’s cheating on her and making her feel ignored and unloved isn’t something I’m okay with (I’m really not a fan of men, so I want to smack most of them when I hear they are belittling women)…he said he saw where I was coming from but it’s hard to care about her when he thinks about me nonstop…I told him that he was just consumed with fantasy thoughts and he said no I know how I feel, you’re dangerous and I could fall in love with you.  I laughed him off and he asked about getting into the hot tub, so we stripped down and got in for a little bit…he asked if we could go back to my bedroom and I told him that if he went home smelling like another woman and sex it would just be a slap in the face to his wife that she didn’t deserve……he asked a few more times and I told him no….so we sat for awhile and he said he told his wife he had run out to get a few things from the store (he had been sitting at my condo for 3 hours though) so I told him that he should probably go home after hitting the store first…..when we got out and he commented on how perfect my body looks and how he gets annoyed and slightly that some of his co-workers and other customers have asked if “his friend” (being me) is single…I laughed him off and told him he should go before his wife started wondering where he was…..he eventually got home and sent me a text that he was so happy to see me tonight and he realizes more and more how much he married the wrong person the more he spends time with me…..

I’m seriously not sure what goes through HEA’s mind…he’s not the first married man to be infatuated with me but seriously the crap of putting down a wife who is already being played gets SO old (and I don’t even like this b*tch)…not to mention he acts like we’d have this amazing relationship together if he up and left his wife…I don’t understand how men get into this fantasy world with affairs and risk a somewhat good relationship for a fantasy….

BB is another one who luckily at least realizes he loves his wife and has tried to have sex with me a few times since the one time that we crossed a serious line in our friendship but last night he mentioned that part of him wishes at times it wouldn’t work out with his wife and he and I could be together…he thinks we have a perfect relationship (duh, we’re friends) and I know him and connect with him more then anyone he knows (um, whatever…) and as much as he loves his wife he wishes she would find another man and just leave him so he wouldn’t feel guilty for being with me (why does he assume I’d want to be with him?!)…even last night he stopped by and got into bed with me and we cuddled for awhile before I told him that he needed to get home before his wife woke up…

I don’t pretend to care too much about other people’s relationships but I do not think highly of men so I hate the ones who feel they can just put down women (even the ones I don’t like)…I might not care about a marriage I am not involved in but a wife is already being cheated on she shouldn’t fee unloved, used, unwanted, etc………

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Are women becoming too desperate to hold onto a man?

So, I have noticed a common thread among cheating…women are much more likely to forgive when a man cheats on them and men are much more likely to get rid of a woman who has cheated on them…I have a serious issue with this mainly because I do not think highly of men at all they are good for few things in life (sorry boys…I still heart you but I just think women are the superior sex) yet women seem to allow men to feed them BS from the day they find out their men are cheating on them…

I am not saying make an immediate decision to kick a cheater to the curb because I know that it is never black and white in a relationship and there are often other issues within the relationship that would make you want to work on the relationship but I have noticed entirely too many women make themselves almost miserable trying to “fix” a broken relationship or “fix” a “broken” man…well news flash ladies: a man is gonna be who he is if he wants to change it most certainly will not be because you “fixed” him and if your relationship is hurting you and giving you more grief than good, is it worth it?  Here are some common observations I have noticed that “desperate” women do after they have been cheated on…
**disclaimer…if you do any or all of these I am not calling you desperate…this is based on my observations only**

-Believing the affair is all their fault…okay um yes, the relationship had some issues but do you really believe that it is YOUR fault your man took his penis and stuck it in another woman, kissed another woman, spent time/money with another woman, etc…clearly these were decisions he made and he could have done SO many other things instead of cheating but he did not…..I am not even okay sleeping with married men who attempt to blame their marital issues on their wife (that makes your husband an even bigger loser to me) because clearly this man is not even man enough to deal with the issues he has with his own relationship and I have issues dealing with whiny beta boys in life……..if your man has you believing an affair is your fault maybe you need to realize he made a bad decision, he cheated and he is turning his “guilt” (if he feels guilty at all) back on you…you are better than that and do not need to accept that

-Thinking they are so “amazing” another woman is obsessed with them…I have noticed entirely too many men manage to dismiss an affair partner that their wife suspects by saying another woman is obsessed with them, jealous of the relationship they have, etc…does this happen?  Occasionally, yes…Does it happen often?  No…Is there normally a reason behind a woman’s “obsession”? YES!!!!!!!!!………I have occasionally had a married man tell me his wife saw a text or his phone bill and he told her I was a jealous b*tch that he was just being nice to…for the most part I’ve been okay with the story but I’ve wondered why the hell any woman would believe that…first off what man would regularly speak to a woman who was so “obsessed” with him?  Men are pretty direct if they do not want to be contacted by a woman they make it pretty clear and even if a woman cannot take no for an answer the first time the man normally has boundaries set in place (if he cares about the relationship) so a woman will not get to this level with him…secondly, if a woman was that “obsessed” with anyone, a normal person would take some sort of action to have the person stop contacting them (block their number, get a restraining order, file harassment charges, etc.) but men never do this…finally, a man many times is showing a woman “just enough” to ease her suspicions and to get his story of “she won’t stop contacting me” to be plausible but for the most part the average (not crazy) person does not continuously contact someone who wants nothing to do with them………in fact, the man involved actually manages to pit two complete strangers against each other which seems to be a bit odd but makes sense…you now have your wife/girlfriend focused on hating a girl she doesn’t know so she a bit too blinded to see what is really going on such as her husband/boyfriend sleeping with the woman who is “obsessed” with him

-Women start to “diagnose” their significant other with addictions, compulsions, etc…..okay for the most part an addict will not realize they have a problem until they hit rock bottom but what about a sex addict? or a porn addict? or a serial cheater?  I will say almost all of the ones I have come across realize they have an issue with these things and simply do not care or laugh about it…I have gone so far as to ask some of male friends or affair partners with these problems why they are getting married (or why they got married) and their answer is something along of line of a sarcastic “eh, I want someone to take half my debt”, “she cooks pretty well”, etc…or something more along the lines of hiding the problem “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her”, “I’m the best thing that will happen to her so she can deal with it”, etc…….so let’s look at this from a logical point of a view a man realized he had an issue at some point, did nothing to get help for his issue, engaged in behavior that he knew would hurt you, continued to hide the behavior and often times did NOTHING to get help until you diagnosed him and threatened to leave him……so in the real world if that was an alcoholic or a cocaine addict that would be a sign that he loved the drug more then anyone else in his life but in a case where a man cheats it’s a sign that woman needs to stay with him to help him not cheat?  Once again a relationship might not be black and white and I do not advocate up and leaving a man who cheats solely because he cheats and you are hurt but this is a man who could not figure out that the actions and behaviors he were doing could potentially break up his relationship and hurt you…men have constructed some crazy and brilliant schemes to hide affairs with me (each time they wanted to see me) so to say they cannot think things through is once again giving a man an excuse….stop making excuses for why HE cheated he needs to give you the reasons

Now, once again I am not saying every woman who does this is desperate to keep a man in her life but I think women need to occasionally put themselves in a situation to allow themselves to be played….some women need to wake up and realize they deserve better and don’t “NEED” a man or a relationship…

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Homewrecker, whore, slut…but what is your husband?

I do not think or pretend to be an innocent party in an affair but I have noticed that so many women think I am the absolute worst person in the world…no morals, no class, an idiot, etc…this post really isn’t to defend what I do because I am okay with the way I live my life but more to express an odd trend that I have noticed…

If a woman finds out her husband is having an affair after the initial shock most women immediately start to find a way to blame the other woman…I have heard women try to get it through their own heads that their husbands were pursued by the other woman (is your man that weak that he cannot make his own decisions?), I have heard that the affair was partially their fault as the wife (yes, you can take some responsibility for issues in your relationship but really?!  you personally made your husband go stick his penis in another woman?)…..basically here, we have a grown man who clearly made his own decision to have an affair…let’s keep in mind also that the man who is involved is the one who took vows to stay in a relationship and also claims to care about the woman he is married to…this other woman who everyone attacks typically has no loyalty or reason to care about this man’s wife (let’s assume that these women are not friends b/c I would never cross that line with a friend’s man) but yet the woman is still the terrible person….not the man?

So once get over the excuse and accept the affair for what it is the next decision is if you are going to continue the relationship and let’s assume here that you decide to “fix” your relationship…most women think that part of fixing a relationship is trashing the other woman a lot of women decide to immediately tell everyone about the whore their husband was sleeping with (um, once again, your husband didn’t do anything wrong?  where is his label?) and beyond that women start to obsess over the other woman…what does she look like? what does she drive? why did my husband pick her? how can I insult her in my every thought?…I’ve always thought this was hilarious especially when I read some of the letters to the other woman (some women have sent those letters to me)…first off, I never wanted your husband to leave you for me, he’s a cheater, why would I want to be in a relationship with a cheater?  I got what I wanted from the affair and your husband got what he wanted (and possibly a bit more if you found out)…I also think it’s funny that so many women sit around and spend hours obsessing over what an affair partner is like beyond the affair…they find new ways to insult their husband’s affair partner and let her occupy their thoughts more than working on their relationship occupies their thoughts……if you really are committed to repairing your relationship after an affair that should be your main focus (if your man will not get rid of a mistress get rid of him ladies) but so many women focus on destroying the other woman or dealing with their feelings towards her….maybe you should realize that anger is a bit misplaced, your husband is the one that ultimately betrayed you, she could have said no but he could have never started the affair…

 

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Husbands rethinking an affair

I notice a lot of women seem to wonder if their men ever think about them during an affair and want to stop it…well I now have a new affair buddy so I figured he was a good one to write about this topic with…it’s almost a perfect situation of a guy remembering he is married at the last second and still not being sure what he wants to do.

 

HEA is a casual friend I’ve known for a good 4 years because he manages the place I get my car serviced at…he never showed any serious type of interest in me until recently which sort of struck me as odd because he knew me before he took his vows.  As for his wife, J, she never liked me but she’s the overly jealous type so that never really bugged me, plus a lot of females get overly jealous of women like me so that never bothered me….anyways, HEA decided to come hang out with me today since he had the day off, he got to my condo and immediately wanted to watch TV in my room, so he got in my bed (instead of on any other seating option in my room) and immediately started cuddling with me (still pretty harmless but clearly an indication that he wanted something to happen…right?).  Well, cuddling lead to him starting to undress me and he stopped and said “I can’t do this, I wouldn’t want my wife doing this with another man”…for those of you who think I “force” married men this should be proof enough I don’t, I immediately got out of my bed and started getting dressed and told him to go chill in my living room for a min or he could leave if he wanted to but I wanted him to get out of the situation since he’d already made a decision not to do something but he said he wanted to go get lunch somewhere…

We got lunch which was nice of him and he ended up talking about how he hated his wife’s jealousy because up until today he had never done anything wrong or even come close to it…he even went into the history of his relationship with her and how she pushed most of his friends out of his life early on in the relationship without him realizing it until it was too late (his co-workers had even made comments about her being psycho jealous and that’s pretty bad to me when other men realize these things)…so he decided to come back to my condo after we got lunch and I asked him if he was sure about this so we ended up back in my condo….I kept him in the living room this time but he asked if we could go back in my bedroom…once again, I asked him if he was sure about this and he paused for a second and then said yes….so clearly his mind had changed from a few hours earlier because we ended up having sex which was extremely awkward since he mentioned how he wished his wife could satisfy him as well as I was…

So after that he laid next me talking about how he couldn’t believe he’d just done that and he didn’t feel right about it…I asked him if he felt guilty and he said no, he just didn’t feel right having sex with me because he knew he wasn’t gonna leave his wife for me (DUH!) and he was dealing with already having feelings for me (where the f**k did these feelings come from?!) and adding a physical aspect was only gonna make things worse…so I sorta encouraged him to leave after that (there’s no room for emotions in affairs and it’s just a dangerous area to tread on) and he’s been texting me ever since…

 

So, he’s one case of a man trying to decide last minute not to have an affair for whatever reason and then still deciding to go through with it…I’m not sure if wives find it comforting to know their husband didn’t fully forget about them or if it’s better to think he went through temporary insanity whenever he slept with another woman (I’d personally hate to realize it was a fully conscious decision if it was my husband) but clearly HEA really thought this through and decided he wanted to do it.  I’ve never had a guy outright stop and decide not to go through with one but a few men have done what HEA did and have had odd/random thoughts of their wives when they’re with me…and maybe one or two (like BB) have realized right after it was the worst mistake of their life (which I think in that case an affair should never be revealed) but I think most men will rethink an affair at some point (especially if it’s their first)…

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